we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
