it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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