If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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