you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
