I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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