the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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