I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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