Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
