hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize