Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize