Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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