Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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