i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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