Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
