loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
