Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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