as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
