New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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