jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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