his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
