Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
