never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize