dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Alive.
So much puke
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
