My friends, they love my intelligence
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
