it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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