The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
