I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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