Please, let me fuck your mom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
