just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
