Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
