i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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