You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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