I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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