I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
