what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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