we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
