from now on my penis is your penis
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
