Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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