why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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