you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
