hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize