I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
