my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize