I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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