Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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