If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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