everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
