there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
