You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
