sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
