My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
