i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
