So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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