did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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