Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
