I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
