I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
