85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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