Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
