Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
