I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
