dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
