I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
