I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
