he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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