Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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