I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
